Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'…

d20s are filthy and morally wrong. Evil wizards in Seattle seek to recruit our children into the d20 lifestyle, where they routinely touch ball-shaped dice, roll them with unholy glee, and then do it again. We need to ban d20s for the safety of the nation. Terrorists use d20s to kill innocent babies. d20s cause cancer, insanity, sweaty palms, acne, and lycanthropy. d20 is a four-letter word, if you count digits as 1.5 letters. d20 manufacturers include explicit content inside the die that can be unlocked with illegal patches downloaded from peer-to-peer networks filled with pirated music made by knocking d20s together. d20s are the antichrist. d6s are the dice god intended; even the Earth itself is a cube. d10s are alright, as long as they don't get rolled along with d6s. Such unnatural intermingling of dice is sinful and should be illegal. After all, if you roll a d6 and a d10 together, you can use them to simulate a d20, and we need the DMCA to prevent this in order to let us sleep safely at night.