Don't bring a coconut to a knife fight

So, the other day, I went to open up a coconut I'd bought a while back. I in no way expected it to pull a knife on me. Admittedly, I was already threatening it with a knife myself, but it was, after all, a mere coconut, not known for its self-defense capabilities or general preparedness. In any case, one second I'm thinking "tasty snack" and the next it's all "overgrown fruit going at me with three inches of tempered Scandinavian steel" Bastard got me good in the finger—knife went all the way through, blood everywhere, but it was my left hand, and while it was pulling the blade back out, I jabbed its eyes out with a screwdriver. Then, while it was flailing about wildly, I finished it off with a blow to the head with my trusty orange-handled hammer. Crunch, threat over. After that, it was just a trip to the emergency room to get epoxied back together (ah, the miracles of technology) and have a tetanus shot—no telling where that damn coconut kept its knife. Stupid thing got the best of me in the end, though; it was just on the rotten side of inedible. From now on, I'm going to let other people slaughter my coconuts.