Abraham Lincoln announced that he's running for president today. At first, people were kinda shocked—after all, he'd already been elected twice and wouldn't that violate the 22nd amendment? The Supreme Court ruled as written, past terms don't count, and he didn't serve out his second term anyway, so it's okay. After that, the analysts started speculating on whether or not being a zombie will hurt his campaign.

He's started running some serious attack ads. Looks like his slogan is, "The only good Republican is a dead one." I personally would have gone with, "I abolished slavery—what did the other guy do?" or "The Party of Lincoln, now with actual Lincoln." Maybe he'll change after the primary.

I thought it was pretty low of W trying to splash him with holy water the at the debates, and having a concealed shotgun was definitely over the top. It's not like he tried to eat the moderator's brains or anything; he's just a man who feels his country needs him so badly that he had to come back from the dead after 140 years. And that top hat is still pretty stylish. I think I know who I'm voting for.