"No, don't cast Crush Kneecap on me, that would be mean," she whines.

"Okay, I wasn't really going to anyway…but you have to admit, it's a useful spell—cripple your opponents and run away, and it's definitely the ultimate defense against Bigby's Groin-Seeking Kneecap."

"What about having a groin of iron, you know, the famous Ingue Ferroque?"

"I dunno, even if your groin is made of iron, the rest of you probably isn't. I'd bet that Bigby's Kneecap would just ram your iron groin right through the rest of you, which would be decidedly unpleasant. Anyway, I think it's a pretty big kneecap we're talking about here. I'd have to consult the Player's Handbook v.3.1415926 to determine the exact size, but I'm pretty sure it just tries to center itself on your groin, but is wide enough to take out the rest of you as well."

"In that case, will crushing it really stop it? You might have to crush it multiple times, you know. Sort of crimp the edges like a pie crust, then poke a hole in the middle."

"Or, you could just crush the kneecaps on the other wizard. That'll distract the groin-smashing bastard!"

"Would that work? Is the kneecap autonomous once he casts it? Maybe he'll just writhe around in agony while you still get your iron groin pounded right through you. Sort of a lose-lose situation."

"You have point there. Also, he could be cowardly and hide out of range, trying to take you out with an Intercontinental Ballistic Kneecap."

"Aren't those banned by the Kneecap Test Treaty of '04?"

"Yeah, but it's not like rogue wizards care. What are you going to do, go on a quest against them? In fact, I bet most of them have ICBKs just because they're illegal, and then they use them to extort billions of gold pieces in aid out of the first-world kingdoms."

"That might work, but I'm sure the first-world kingdoms would get sick of it soon enough. They'd probably crush one of two of the evil wizards every so often to keep the others from getting uppity. There'd probably be protests about it, too."

"Oh, yeah, but they'd have to fight for media time with the Orc's Rights groups, who refer to them as 'persons of tusked ancestry'."

"Damn orcs taking our jobs—we should just fireball their green asses!"

"Or crush their kneecaps."