From Truth to Blog

The key to producing interesting entries is to take real events and embellish them. I use this technique in everyday life to generate fascinating anecdotes that are complete and utter lies.

Take, for example, the time that my mother-in-law, fresh out of college, moved to Florida to be a journalist. She drove cross-country and got convinced by a mechanic that she needed to use most of her remaining money to replace the tires on her car because they were about to blow. Thus, she arrived in Florida with four old tires in her car and no money, and had to live in a tent for a while, and subsisted for the first week on a bottle of rum and a pack of hot dogs.

Now, while this is an interesting story in its own right, it could be better. Instead, consider the time that she had to flee cross-country to escape false murder charges, and all four of her tires blew simultaneously, fortunately while not more than twenty feet from a mechanic. After replacing them, she had no money, but she kept the rubber scraps, because she'd heard they would sell well in Florida what with the recycling boom at the time.

Once she arrived in Florida, she had to hide out in the swamps for a whole month until the murder charges could be cleared, and the only food she had with her was an empty bottle of rum and a lone hot dog. Being clever, she lashed together a raft out of the tire scraps and used it to paddle along stealthily, luring alligators up by dangling the hot dog, then clubbing them with the rum bottle when they got near. In this manner, she was able to keep herself supplied with alligator meat the whole time.

And that is a story.